TALE OF A SHORTIE OG

Interviewed and edited by Nina Bhadreshwar, November 1994, South Central, Los Angeles

Jonathan, aged 16 years, spoke to me about how he got to come to the Gang Center.

'I used to have this teeny piece of a heart. Now I’ve got this much.’  He goes from a pinch to a handful. ‘All I need is a bit more then I will have a whole heart.’

‘When we were little kids, gangbanging seemed like a challenge. You had to be down, put in work for your gang, get your enemies. You got to be down, have respect for your gang members, don’t ever switch to another gang.  It’s up to you what you do to prove that loyalty. I did robberies. Most of the time, I was with my friends but now I’ve realised that, in a gang, you don’t have no friends. They come up to you and say: ‘What’s up, homie?’ After some time, they start switching. Say you go do a robbery with them and you’ve got the gun on a person. Your homies run and leave you. Then they come back later saying, ‘No, we didn’t run!’ When it comes to being down, they’re not all that. They just don’t have as much love as they’re supposed to when you’re in a gang.  I feel like fighting when they do that. I’ve seen friends get killed right in front of me, aged between sixteen and twenty one. One of them was a real homie. He was sitting right by me when he died. He was one of my real homies cuz he saved my life.

‘I was walking down a street alone. The other gang was driving up from the bottom of the street in a car. My friend was driving down a side street and saw what was going on. He turned round and came driving down the street, shooting at them. I ran down an alley and got in the car. The other gang’s car drove up beside me and shot him twice in the head. I bent down to get his gun and tried to help him but it was too late. I still appreciate what he did.  Even though I don’t believe in gangbanging anymore, I know he is resting in peace.

I had to be jumped in (beaten up) to get into the Hoover gang. When you’re a gang member, you never know how long your life is. You can never rest. You can just get shot any time cuz when you have an enemy, they are going to shoot you. You are not on their side and they do not like you.  The real problem with gangbangers?  They got too much pride for themselves.  They go out saying: ‘Man, I’m down. I’m not going to be touched, man. No one can take me out.’ They pride take over them. They’ve got to prove they are untouchable, indestructible and above anyone’s law.  They think they are hard and they can go shoot somebody and not get shot.

‘I’ve been caught for assault, attempted murder and armed robbery. I’ve got two felonies to my name. One more strike and I’m through.  The last felony, a robbery, was done by one of my homies. They got away and I got blamed so they couldn’t get caught. So that’s what I’m saying: you don’t have no homies when you in a gang.

‘I was in Sylmar and then Los Padrinos Juvenile Detention Centre and many more before going to prison. You always have to share a room unless you’re in the infirmary. If your room mate is from a rival gang, you have to fight because when you come out your homies will say ,’Man, you’re a punk. Man!’  It takes a lot for you to turn away from a gang. It took me not going home, losing my homie to realise who I REALLY need to be. I now realise I’m a person of God and I don’t have to worry now. I just thank God for pulling me away from the gang. I turned to God in jail and asked Jesus Christ into my life. I got back into my ‘hood and slowed down. My heart was hardening again. My mum passed by the Gang Center and I came into the youth home. Now my heart is half alive again. Each day I feel I’m learning to live and love again and my hope now is to have a whole heart and to really be able to love people.

‘I thank God for caring for me when I was at my worst and for coming into my life.’

Even the most noble gangster who dies for his ‘hood can only demonstrate how human life has been cheapened to the colour of a rag or another payback. Their death often means more than their life did. It is time to respect the living, not just the dead. Regardless of what society says, our lives have immense value and our destiny is in our hands.

All war is, in the end, is deception of the enemy. But do you even know who your real enemy is?